Valentine's Day

It is now time for all of you to read me bitch about the fact that I haven't had a date since the dawn of time!

Let see, what do I see when I look out at Valentine's Day. I see alot of faux affection. I mean, a couple can fight and fight...and hate each other...and cheat on each other for 364 days a year. Then on Valentine's Day they are all lovey-dovey? Oh please. A show is put on, sometimes it is Oscar caliber performance. Just go to a nice restaurant on V-Day...I guarantee half the people in that restaurant are unhappy everyother fucking day of the year.

Now I admit there are geniunely happy couples out there. And they piss me off worse! Dear GOD! If you are going to be happy, don't do it in front of bitter people like myself. It just makes us homicidal!

Christian legends believe that Valentine's Day is the Feast of St. Valentine, who was beheaded on February 14th under the orders of Roman Emperor Claudius II. The Emperor believed that if his men remained single his army would be larger. He wouldn't lose men to wanting to stay home with the family. Valentine was arrested and beheaded because he would secretly marry people forbidden to wed. He became known as the patron saint of lovers.
You see?!?!?! We only have this stupid holiday because of a criminal that was executed!!!

So come on people...do it for Demacracy. Do it for the over all good of the world! Boycott Valentine's Day!

DIE CUPID! DIE!

Valentine's Days in Review

Valentine's Day 1997:
This was probably the most productive year for me. James and I decided to invite ourselves to our high school Cross Country coach's house. Obviously Coach and his wife had other plans. Since all three of us were in the Dallas area, and he put us through hell in high school, we figured we should barge in on them on the most romantic day of the year. Retribution for the miles we ran I suppose. Well we found his house and the dog went ape shit when we went to the door, but no human came to the door. We then went to the back yard to see if anything was going on the living room or kitchen. In the kitchen, we saw an open bottle of wine with two glasses and candles burning. But we didn't see any people. Then it dawned on us...they were up stairs doing the freak nasty! So we decided to go to Bennigan's and relax.

The update to this story happened on November 11, 1997 (almost 9 months to the day after V-Day). Nicholas Pomes was born! So in my own warped mind, we helped them! See I figure Coach Ted heard the dog going crazy and the comotion downstairs, so he just let it all fly. There might be robbers...no use keeping reserves! I bet one of the swimmers he was in such a hurry to get rid of turned into Nick!

That is why this was a productive night.

Valentine's Day 1998:
I decided I had sorrows to drown (I won't go into why)...so I got sloppy drunk in Mexico. I did such a good job getting sloppy drunk that there are huge blank spots in my memory for the night. Then at 7am I was on a bus heading for Dallas. Ever take an 8 hour bus ride with alcohol poisoning? Its fun...you should try it.

Valentine's Day 1999:
Ah, the first Valentine's Day I spent with Gina. Want to know how memorable it was? I don't even remember what we did.

Valentine's Day 2000:

Ah, the second Valentine's Day I spent with Gina. We had gone out on Saturday the 12th for her birthday. V-Day fell on a Monday. The most memorable thing for me this way was that it was the first day after I turned in my two weeks notice at my job in hell. Gina...nothing memorable about this day with her. I probably worked late, and she probably was mad.

Valentine's Day 2001:
FIGHT CLUB!!!! Went to happy hour with Matt, Denise, & Brett. I was going to meet James and his friend Jenee at the Cinerama to watch Fight Club. Matt & Denise went to some chick flick, and Brett I think continued to wreck himself. James didn't show up until after the movie and apparently was never able to meet up with Jenee. Thats OK. I watched Fight Club. Best V-Day since 1997.

Valentine's Day 2002:
I chose to spend this day alone. There was some thing that James was going to, but I decided I didn't want to go. So I went and watched A Beautiful Mind. Nice and relaxing day.

Here is a cool poem sent to me by my friend Paula:

Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer -
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year!
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass!
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week.
Everyone acts all sweet, but it soon will fade
For all they are doing is trying to get laid!
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit
Because I think love is a crock of shit.
So here's my story...what else can I say?
Love bites my ass...Fuck Valentines Day!

Maxim Magazine recently ran a little column on history's darkest day in its Circus Maximus: Reasons To Hate..." section. Here is what Maxim came up with:
269 A.D.: Pussy-whipped Roman priest Valentine is martyred for performing marriages illegally, damning the male gender to pay for our sins with syrupy greeting cards.
1920: The League of Women Voters is founded in Chicago. Rudolph Valentino and Professor Hornblower's Ladies' Complaint Elixir soon are elected to the Illinois state legislature.
1929: Al Capone has seven rival gangsters shot to death in the romantic St. Valentine's Day Massacre. That'll teach them mugs to leave the toilet seat up.
1950: With the CIA still in diapers, China and the U.S.S.R. sign a peace treaty, making Truman lose his $5 bet with Churchill that the goddamn Commies would annihilate each other for us.
1989: Salman Rushdie gains international notoriety when Ayatollah Khomeini declares a death sentence against him for The Satanic Verses. Iddly, Judy Blume's Are You There, Allah? It's Me, Margaret arouses little ire.
2003: You give your sweetie a gift of KFC coupons. Table for one in the doghouse--no waiting!

See, even the world renowned publication, Maxim, can see that VDay is a horrible, horrible day. In fact, February 14th very well may the darkest day in history. A day that inevitably comes around every year and brings heartache to millions of sad souls.

Anti-Valentine's Day Links:
Just Say No to Valentine's Day
Ron's Anti-Valentine's Day Wake
Valentine's Day Can Bite Me
Valentine's Day AK47
Dave's Anti-Valentine's Day Page
Me Against Valentine's Day
Here is part of a talk I had with Michelle online today regarding Valentine's day:

shelli_bear: i "heart" valentines day
duckyguy313:
shelli_bear: they always have so much great stuff out that i can buy
shelli_bear: i have a thing for the color pink, and a thing for hearts, and a thing for anything cutesy haha
duckyguy313: I have a thing for the color black, dead cupids, and Ebola
duckyguy313: only in February though.

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